Polly Amory is my ex-girlfriend!

Written in response to queries regarding the upcoming Poly Playshop events

By Rachel E.

What is polyamory?

The hell if I know! Upon my first intro to poly courtesy of a required reading packet for a Humanities seminar, I was informed that Moses strolled down from Mount Sinai brandishing two stone tablets stating that:
  1. It is polyamory if one engages in simultaneous love relationships. One might or might not have a "primary," who is the main partner, and then some secondaries.
  2. It is non-monogamy if you interact sexually with more than one individual during your daily life but do not have steady partners other than a primary..
  3. It is polygamy if a man has several wives who wear long dresses and bonnets, and they cannot have other husbands but the husband can collect more wives in his butterfly net.
  4. Smashed car windows, threats of bodily harm, defaced prom photos and pulling hair are not beneficial ways to settle arguments between primaries and secondaries.
And while these definitions were adequate on paper, incorporating them into actual, rel-time relationships became confusing. Questions arose in my mind which Moses' tablets had not answered:.Aren't friendships filled with love as well? What exactly is the difference between "secondary" and "frequent date"? Does the term "date" imply potential love interest, or merely an agreed-upon interlude time? Why am I okay being poly with some partners but not others? Why are there always grapes at Swingers events? And why is hair- pulling not a benefical way to solve an argument?!
And so I offer this up for the website, in response to the various e-mails and calls I received regarding our definition of the term "poly" in relation to the Poly Playshop events: I am no expert. Poly is whatever you choose to define it as FOR YOU and your lifestyle. You live inside your mind and body all day, every day... at least most days. So who better to define your own terms than yourself? For me, honesty is of the utmost importance, respect of boundaries is high up there too, and honoring the experiences of everyone involved. What is up there for you?
And fear not, for there is no "poly enough" criteria. We will not request a resume, references from past partners, or a demonstration of processing skills for admittance to the event.
But now that I've got your attention, tell me: how well can you pull hair when you're really really riled up?